A warm welcome to Day 40 of our 40 Day Retreat 2009.
Today would have been the eventful day in 1978 when I would have received the gift I spoke about yesterday. What happened after? Because it was not until ten years after that I started a group once again.
Creating a Disciplined Environment
Previous to 1978 I was very much on the path, very disciplined and focused. And I engaged those around me, mainly my family members who wanted to support what I was doing. We had a very nice discipline going of weekly programs and daily chanting. When this 40 Day period came about, the discipline became even more intense. When my family saw what was happening around me they intensified the discipline so that they could support me. They did this intuitively; I did not ask anyone to do it. That is why I know there was a greater power at work protecting me during that period.
Now a Transformed Being
Coming out of this I was a different person, as you would have known from my talk yesterday. I felt so different. The Vasudeva that was born then was not a seeker anymore. He did not need to seek anything and did not care to seek anything. There was nothing to seek. The brow center that I wanted to break through broke through and in the crown was “I am”. Not I am anything; not I am a god or guru or anything. That disappeared. It was just “I am”.
I became intensely aware of the energies around me. When I began to interact with people and to speak I could feel the energy of their intentions and the energy of thoughts and feelings. I could feel their energy in a very powerful way. It became more powerful than physical communication and contact. And so my world was different. I was different and my consciousness was different.
Communication Barrier
Of course, people were curious to know what happened to me; especially my family members. I ventured some of it. Then this huge new awareness of how I saw the world was so impactful to me that I wanted to share with everyone, and say “Look, this is what the world is like!” When I started to speak about it to people it seemed that they did not understand anything I was saying. And even though my family members partially understood, I realize in the depth of their being they did not.
What happened in this scenario is that I was taken to such a high level of consciousness but everybody around me was almost the same way, except perhaps those who were directly around me and receiving a lift from it. But people were more or less as they were. That was a little shocking because I thought that now everybody would see what was in me now, see the different consciousness, see the energies that I can feel and see how I was responding to the world. But they were looking at me as the same person they knew, but I was a different person and I did not know how to communicate this.
Soon family members began saying to me, “You better stop all this that you are saying. People would not understand you.” And of course, I knew some of them even did not understand me, so I learned to be quiet. I learned to say nothing about this to the world, and I learned to be the normal person on the outside. To the world outside I became the person they knew, but inside of me there was a different person.
Back into the World with a New Awareness
How did I manage the world after? I was teaching in a secondary school in my country, Trinidad and Tobago. I went back into the workplace. But when I went back to teaching it was not as exciting as before, feeling the power of the brow and the heart and being able to manage the classroom. Now my consciousness was inside my head, inside my brain so strong and I did not feel the power to move the brow as I used to. I felt so much ecstasy inside me that I did not care to move the brow anywhere.
When I went in the classroom and I started to interact, I could feel the energies of these children and it was all over the place. And I really did not know how to deal with the intensity of the energy that I felt. After a year I gave up the job of teaching and I decided to work in a smaller place where I would be in less contact with so many people on a continuous basis, as in a classroom.
Renewed Interest in Academics
As faith would have it, I got a job that allowed me less contact, and then some new feelings came into me. When I started to work on this new job and saw the technology that surrounded me, I became interested in knowledge again as I used to be during my academic days at school. Suddenly the whole world of academics opened up to me and there was some kind of excitement coming. And I thought in this time when I am just enjoying this inner space not caring to do anything or to be anything, maybe, I can go back and master the academic world.
Mastering the Ways of the World
One of the things that came to me during that period was the idea we have of spiritual people. We think that they live in the clouds and they live out of touch with the reality of the world. We think that those who are renunciants or hermits, and those who live in spiritual centres depend on the world. They depend on people to give them things. But I was the kind of person who never liked that. I liked to work for what I have. I did not want to be any kind of spiritual person who had to beg and depend on people.
I decided that I must master the ways of the world. I must be self-sufficient and independent. I wanted to start with academics. I felt to myself that if I continued to do my academic education, people will have greater respect for the spirituality that I speak about. And if I mastered the secular world of work, people would have greater respect for spirituality. That is one of the desires I had at that stage. I wanted to master the outer world.
Using Spiritual Power to Master the Material World
After mastering the inner, my desire came to master the outer. Of course, you would have known that when I felt the crown, I felt that nothing could touch me again, but I could touch everything. People, of course, would not understand what I was saying but at least in their language and in their world I could impress, I could master and show that I can master both worlds. That became my desire. As destiny would have it, I got a scholarship to go to university. I did not have the kind of money that was required but I got a scholarship that made it easy. I thought here was destiny telling me what to do.
When I went to the university it was a different story. I did not care for a degree. I did not care to become an engineer which was the training I was becoming involved in. But I decided that if I have spiritual power, if I have mastered the mind, if I have mastered memory, and if I have mastered visualization that I can achieve anything in the academic world. It did not matter if I had a passion for the subject, it really did not matter. I could create a passion in me. I could see the world through the eyes of an engineer, or I could see the world through the eyes of anyone in any profession. So I chose engineering and I chose to see the world through the eyes of an engineer.
I immersed myself in education. I mastered the field that I was involved in using the power of the mind, using the power of memory and intellect. And it gave a good feeling to actually use spiritual power in the material world to be masterful. I enjoyed my time at university based simply on this, mastery of what I was doing.
Of course, when I looked at the professors I could see all the limitations. As I looked at the people around me I could see all the limitations. I could feel their energies, I could feel their exchanges but I was not influenced by that. I was influenced by what I wanted to achieve, what I wanted to be and how I wanted to impact. Of course, I told nobody about spirituality during those days. Few people would get anything from me if they ventured deeply. But apart from that I kept secretly within me all the details of my knowledge and experience.
I went into the working world after this and I gravitated towards management which I love. I liked working with people; training and motivating people, and being productive. I enjoyed the working world just for that. That I could push productivity, I could motivate people, I could support and lift people and I could help train people. I enjoyed that immensely. Of course, I became successful in what I was doing. I worked in the position of manager in a company and enjoyed it.
After a while I thought to myself, “I have had enough of this. I am working to create profits. I am working but people do not really care for each other. Unions and companies are fighting with each other. Nobody really cares about working conditions of the employees”. And there are so many limitations in the working world. I thought that was enough for me.
Blue Star- gift of the Consciousness
Could I create the perfect organization? A new passion came to me. And I love learning so could I create a perfect learning environment? And I love healing so could I create the perfect healing environment? I love holistic thinking and environment, so could I create the perfect environment? I became excited about creating this perfect environment where people can learn, where they can retreat and heal and be educated, and where they can be trained and developed in a holistic way. Hence Blue Star came. It was the organization of my dream. As you know it is a non-profit organization. I wanted to give to the world as much as I can, but did not want anything in return. When people give to the Blue Star it is a gift that is blessed, because we do not beg, we offer a service and allow people to contribute.
I learned how to work in the world, how to master the world using spirituality and that is what I continue to do. I use the spiritual energy and consciousness as a gift. I use the tools to master the ways of the world, and today I am using it for the upliftment of humanity at every level, holistically. And that is how Blue Star has come into its form. That was the gift of the consciousness that I received in 1978. The Blue Star came after.
Role of Blue Star
It is my joy today to speak to people about self-transformation and world transformation, about holistic thinking and helping each other beyond what is given to us, and to help to create a better world. Today, I feel as a master of myself and a servant to the world, a proud servant. One who does not want to beg but one who wants to give. And that is what I feel spirituality should be. It should make us rich and abundant inside, and not beggars.
We should be able to work hard in the world to achieve all that we want and we should serve humanity. We should give. My dream is that people who need this kind of knowledge that I have given during these 40 days should receive it to the highest level, as I did. The Blue Star continues to be an organization that reaches out to all; regardless of what religion you belong to or what walk of life that you are on. It is open to all. So that was my life after 1978.
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