.
Welcome to Day 11 of our 40-Day Retreat.
In the last days we have had an extended look at awareness and have learned many things in becoming more aware.
Who is the seeker and why does it exist?
Today we will look at who is becoming more aware. Who is the one who is seeking to become more aware? Who is the one who is seeking to become enlightened? So there is a seeker. If we are told that we exist in a space of infinite peace, infinite knowledge, infinite joy, and infinite love, then why are we seeking? Why do we have to seek for what we already are or what we already have? So if we are seeking for what we already possess, it must mean that we are in ignorance; we are steeped in ignorance.
I am therefore seeking for what I already have, and life becomes a journey of seeking. But seek; we must, even though we have everything because we are not aware of it. So seek we must on this journey. But intelligent seeking is how we should seek.
Why does the seeker exist? Who is the seeker? Is it a phantom existence, and how can the needs of the seeker be satisfied that the seeker may be enlightened?
If we explore the human experience we’ll see that all human beings are born with this “I-ness,” this quality of individuality, individual existence, individual identity. We all have separate identities.
The seeker (ego) in limitation
We call this the “ego.” We all carry the ego, or this individual identity. It’s extremely important to understand this quality of “I-ness” that we have. When this “I” is steeped in ignorance, it doesn’t know its true source or its true being; we say it is ignorant, it is limited. It is limited in its awareness. And life becomes a journey of expanding the awareness of this “I,” this ego.
In ignorance, a lot of people think unkindly of the ego, “Oh, I’m so stupid, I’m so ignorant, I don’t like myself, I’m unworthy.” But this very ego is a tool to take us to wisdom; this very ego is the tool to take us to enlightenment, to take us back to the fullness of awareness.
When some see the ego at work, when they become a little more aware and they can actually see how the ego works, how they become angry, selfish, showing limited qualities of existence, they want to destroy the ego. “I want to kill this ego, get it out of existence.” This shows a gross lack of understanding of what the ego is because the ego is trying to kill itself. Because who is doing the killing? Who doesn’t like itself? So it’s just the ego, still the ego. Every expression of “I,” whatever it is, is the ego.
Even when the enlightened beings say, “I,” that “I” is still the ego. And we say “enlightened beings” have pure egos. Their ego is very clear; it is expressing the qualities of the higher self, of the greater being, or of being. It is expressing, through the “I-ness,” so the “I” has become now what we may call “pure.”
Beginning the journey of transformation
The ego, therefore, doesn’t have to be killed, doesn’t have to be strangled out of existence, because then we are strangling the seeker itself. The ego has only to be transformed. The quality of “I-ness,” continues to be there. Ego only has to be transformed. This individual quality, this “I-ness” that we have, this “I” only has to be transformed. So life is a journey of transformation of the ego. And the truth is; only when the ego begins to realize its folly, its ignorance, it begins to think, “Well, I don’t know anything. Why am I so angry? Why do I behave in such limited ways?” When it begins to see or realize its own limitation, only then can it begin the journey of transformation.
The journey of transformation begins with the awareness of its limitation. If you’re not aware that you have a problem, how are you going to solve it? So it begins with an understanding, “I’m limited in my thinking.” And then it needs to know, what are the tools available to it that it may engage in a meaningful transformation process.
The goal
The ego needs to know what is the goal. “Where am I going to that I may have a goal in my mind.” So the ego that we sometimes seek to destroy is the very quality that we need to take us to that space of greater understanding, awareness, or enlightenment. So life is not about destroying that quality of self when we see its limited nature and we do not like it. It’s about exploring what this quality of self means, this limitation, this individuality, understanding the tools that are available and using them in that transformation process that makes the ego more aware of its connection with the source of being.
The goal of course is for the ego to connect with its source. Therein lies the greatest transformation process, when it is able to connect with the depth of its being. Therein lies the greatest transformation process and that is where the ego becomes pure. It loses its limitation.
When is the ego in limitation?
When the ego directs its attention into the world, unaware of its source, that’s where the misery begins. It is unaware of its connection with the source, and then it operates in the world in this ignorance of its connection. That’s where it becomes a very limited being, has a very limited existence in terms of awareness and of course, you know, that is the recipe for misery and pain. So can we begin to understand this quality we have that is the ego? Of course the journey is that the ego is trying to understand itself, but this is a necessary step. The ego has to question itself. It’s a necessary step. We need to look at this quality of “I.” “I know this, I am angry, I am lonely, I am sad.” We carry this quality. “I am in need of love. No one loves me. I have no money, I’m poor, I’m lacking, I’m inferior.” We carry this quality to identify with gross limitation. So we need to explore that “I,” we need to explore; we need to understand it, see it, see its limitation and begin to explore. Can this “I” begin to be differently aware? Can this “I” that I am seeing in limitation, “loneliness, sadness, misery, pain ignorance…?” Can I begin to see this “I-ness” in a different way? Can it identify with other things besides all these limited qualities?
And of course on this journey the most powerful inspiration comes when we see another human being with a different quality of “I.” When we see another human being who shows a different kind of “I,” a more selfless “I,” a more loving “I,” unconditionally loving, a more peaceful “I,” then we become attracted and say, “I like this “I.” I like this quality,” and then we are able to see how that same “I” can exist in a different awareness with different qualities.
So the greatest inspiration comes when we are actually able to see a model of this “I” in a greater space of awareness.
Tools of the ego
We need to know that this “I” inside of us that we call “ego,” actually possesses the tools to take it to a more aware state. It possesses the tools: the tools of intellect, which is the most powerful tool that it has, the tool of the mind, creating thoughts, the tool of visualization can create images in the mind, powerful images, the tool of memory, the tool of emotional power, the tool of vital power, and the tool of living in a human form with sense organs that can assist it on its journey. So this ego in this human existence has a number of tools at its disposal and if we learn about these tools and how to use them effectively, we can take the ego into a process of transformation. So we are going to speak more about the tools available to this ego in the transformation process.
These 40 days are days of transformation. So this much I’ll leave with you today to think about: “Ego, the Seeker, the “I” on its journey in awareness.
